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police officer: you’re under arrest.
me: im rubber, you’re glue. what bounces off of me sticks to you(:
police officer: fuck
Does anyone know if the trombone book for anything goes is tough?
My boyfriend & I usually have sex on the floor behind his bed so when you walk in you can only see the bed. And we were having sex one day & I was on top and his mom walks in and she can't see him but she can see me with my shirt on, and she's asking me where he is and I'm sitting on his dick & he's on the bottom trying not to laugh and moving around to make me make faces. And we were talking for like 15 minutes while I was sitting on his dick and having pleasant talk with his mom. NEVER AGAIN.
me with my American friend part 2
me: hey American friend i bought this football for you
American friend: *stops playing the banjo and cleaning their guns and drinking their soda* Oh y’all know me too well I love them good ol’ sports hell yeah
To all the ladies that reach down and grab the dick while making out with a dude…
You’re the real MVP
it means no memories, for the rest of the night (via suchvodka)